spinning, twirling, flying
by Blake0Tyler
Summary: No one knows she likes to dance. Seamus/Lavender, and all those years at Hogwarts.


**A/N: Ok, so here's the thing; English ****is not my first language, and that practically comes down to the fact that I wouldn't be able to write Irish if I tried. So, please forgive me for not writing Seamus' dialogue in that language. But trust me, you'd all have laughed at me :) Secondly, I hope you all enjoy this! I've sort of started to appreciate Lavender's character so much more lately (and that comes from a **_**huge **_**Ron/Hermione shipper haha) and I think she kind of deserved this. Hope you like it. Please tell me what you think of it, because I worked rather hard on it and it would make my day. Please. And thanks for reading. – Lauren **

:::

"_I'd go and catch moon,_

_And I'd drag it down to you,_

_But I know that you'd be brighter any way."_

_- Mona Lisa – The Summer Set - _

:::

(The truth is, she's always been a little scared of falling in love.)

:::

The back of her four-poster bed is completely covered with boys' names, softly carved into the thick, dark wood.

It's a little bit childish, she knows that; just the artwork of two giggling thirteen year old girls lying on their beds, bored on a rainy afternoon in November, laughing together, gossiping together, designing meaningless hearts and names in the wood with their sharpest quills.

Nothing special, really.

But now, as she's standing there, in the middle of the dorm, looking at her bed, she kind of feels like crying; because out of all those carved-in names of guys she's ever kissed or went on dates with or cried over, the most important one isn't even there. Not even once.

She exhales. Inhales. Then exhales again.

She sits down on her bed, grabs her quill out of her night stand and places it carefully, oh so carefully on the dark wood, just beneath the top right corner.

It's only fair, isn't it?

:::

(first year)

:::

**I.**

There's a little boy standing at the end of the corridor and she thinks he looks like a _street rat_, with his hair still smoldering from his fourth or so '_wingardium leviosa_ accident', his clothes all dirty and ripped and his face covered in soon.

There's a little girl dancing carelessly through the school and he thinks she looks like a _princess_.

And maybe it's some sort of a start.

**II.**

She doesn't even see him. She just dances through the hallway, books lying forgotten by her side, twirling, _spinning_ around in her brand new Gryffindor robes, spreading her arms out wide as if she can fly.

And Seamus Finnegan is awestruck.

He's actually supposed to go to the Hospital Wing right now to fix his hair, but he doesn't really care. He's been standing here for the longest time, watching her dance, watching her _fly _– and to be honest, he doesn't think he's ever seen something quite as beautiful in his entire life.

She suddenly stops, though, finally aware of the fact that someone's looking. She almost trips, but manages to keep her balance any way and puts her hands on her hips as soon as she sees who it is.

She narrows her eyes. "What do you think you are doing?"

He's surprised she's actually talking to him. Surprised she's actually _real_.

"I… I… - "

His throat is too dry to say something. God, she's really pretty… With her blonde hair and pale skin and piercing blue eyes… She's looking him up and down like he's the dirtiest thing she's ever seen though, and he quickly runs his hands through his hair and tries to fix some of the burns on his shirt.

"I- I wasn't looking or anything…" he tries again, embarrassed that she has to see him like this. "I was just – eh – on my way to… to…" She walks up to him and he has to concentrate very hard to keep his attention on the words he's trying to get out. "To the Hospital Wing." He grins nervously. "I had a little accident again, while practicing _wingardium leviosa_."

She raises her eyebrows. "So I can see."

He takes a breath and somehow manages to ask her the question that's been on his mind for at least the last ten minutes now. "What were you doing?"

She purses her lips together. "None of you business."

"Oh," he exhales again. "Well, ok, I'll just go then."

He's about to leave, he really _is, _but for some odd reason his Gryffindor courage decides to take over his mind in the last second and he sticks out his hand, smiling a little uncomfortable. "I'm Seamus by the way, I'm also in Gryffindor." And he awkwardly points at his tie.

She looks at his dirty hand, sighs, but stiffly shakes it anyway. "I'm Lavender."

He runs away as soon as she lets go, because he's still an eleven year old boy, and she's a girl and things like that are complicated, aren't they? But he does call over his shoulder, just before he reaches the door - "You're a really good dancer, you know." - and he does catch her soft smile, even if it's only for a second.

**III.**

The next day he's sitting on the couch in the common room, practicing his spells again, when she suddenly sits down right next to him.

"You know, I can help you with that," she points at his wand, and it sounds a little bit arrogant, but he doesn't really care, because she's Lavender Brown and she's kind of like a princess, isn't she? He smiles, but she quickly continues. "_But_ you have to promise me one thing, ok?" He looks at her and waits. "Don't tell anyone about seeing me dance. It's not really important."

She stares at the ground, not directly looking him in the eye and he doesn't ask questions and just nods. "Ok. I won't."

And then she smiles at him and grabs his Charms books from his lap and starts explaining the proper way to do it, and all and all this is quite a good start, he thinks.

:::

(second year)

:::

**I. **

She's actually quite happy to go back to school, seeing Parvati again and Dean and Seamus (because they're actually pretty good friends now) and hang out in the common room and practice magic and just do normal school stuff again.

She spends the first few weeks getting used to her new timetable and she sits by the lake because the summer's not yet over, and ok, fine, she's got her first real crush, and it's on Professor Lockhart. But doesn't every girl at Hogwarts at least fancy him a little bit?

She giggles around with Parvati whenever he walks by, winking at the two of them, and blushes furiously when he compliments her on one of her essays after class one day, saying it's extremely good for such a young girl, asking her if she might be interested in a career as a writer?

Seamus laughs at her, though.

"He's a moron," he grins, one day at breakfast. "He hasn't got a clue what he's teaching."

She narrows her eyes angrily. "He's not a moron! He wrote lots of amazing books! And he's really clever! Right, Parvati?"

Her best friend nods eagerly, but Seamus doesn't buy it. "You just like him because he's _charming_. You've been talking for him for three _weeks _now." And then he exclaims in the most horrible girl voice she's ever heard: "_Oh, professor Lockhart, I think you are absolutely amazing!_"

She punches him against his shoulder and storms off to the common room, deciding that instant that boys are kind of stupid.

**II.**

It goes on like this for weeks, the normal school life of learning magic and sitting by the lake and stuff like that. But then suddenly everything changes.

She stops worrying about professor Lockhart, because now everybody's is talking about a _monster _and students are being attacked and Harry Potter might be the heir of Slytherin, and everything is way too messed up for twelve-year old kids. And so she's kind of glad to go home for the Christmas holidays, even though it means being stuck with her parents in the same house for another couple of weeks again.

She stands next to him in line at the train station, just before they're about to leave, and neither of them is joking around, because this time they're not sure what to expect when they come back to Hogwarts. And all of a sudden he reminds her of last year, being just that tiny, little boy again, watching her dance through the corridor, unable to say what he really wants to.

"Are you scared?" he finally asks.

She nods.

"Me too."

And she's completely taken aback at how he manages to tell her _exactly_ what's on his mind, even though he's not the best with words.

**III.**

When she finds out professor Lockhart is actually a pathetic liar, at the end of the year, she's practically waiting for him to say 'I told you so' and rub it in her face for days, but he doesn't.

He just grins at her from across the table and she softly smiles back, deciding that boys might not be that stupid after all.

:::

(third year)

::

**I.**

She's thirteen years old now, going on fourteen, and all she really cares about this year is stuff like Divination and trying to fit in and lying in her bed, gossiping with Parvati about absolutely _everything_, including how handsome Roger Davies is.

They carve his name in the back of her four-poster bed one day, when they have nothing else to do and they make a pact; from this point on, they'll carve the name of the boy they've got a crush on in the back of her bed, both completely convinced that it's way better then keeping a diary.

They joke and laugh and giggle for half an hour, ignorant to Hermione Granger's irritated glaring, and they decide that this year everything's going to change.

It will.

**II.**

You see, she and Seamus Finnegan are just friends, and the thought of anybody _ever _having a crush on him sounds absolutely ridiculous to her.

He's not as tall as Cormac McLaggen or as handsome as Roger Davies or as _famous _as Harry Potter. He's got nothing _really_ special about him and he's just Seamus; over talkative, accident-prone, funny, smart, likeable Seamus… But she couldn't be interested in him in _that _way, if she tried. She doesn't even look at him like that.

At one point, it kind of hits her, though.

When she and Parvati are sitting at the end of the Gryffindor table almost halfway through their first semester, and her best friend suddenly whispers that she thinks Seamus is kind of actually good-looking, she looks over at him and almost chokes on her pumpkin juice, because _yes_, he actually kind of _is_.

He's a bit taller than her now, and his hair falls kind of beautifully over his forehead and he's got these nice brown specks in his light green eyes and soon enough, whenever he walks by or waves at her or talks to her in the common room, she gets a little bit nervous and she accidentally starts blushing quite a lot whenever he's near.

But she refuses, absolutely _refuses _to do anything with them.

It's just a small crush, really. Nothing to worry about. She doesn't even tell Parvati about it. She doesn't carve his name in her bed. She'll get over it eventually. She'll get over it.

She doesn't.

Not really.

Not until she overhears him tell Dean that he thinks Alicia Spinnet is hot, when they're watching the Gryffindor vs. Ravenclaw Quidditch match.

She stands there, hearing his words echo in her head, and decides that there's only one way to end this all.

**III.**

She gets her first kiss the same evening by a Gryffindor boy called Logan Daniels, a year above her, and no, it's not as perfect as she'd hoped.

But he's actually really sweet and he does that typical love storything, where he brushes a lock of her hair behind her ear, slowly leaning in a little bit closer. And to be honest, her crush on Seamus Finnegan vanishes as soon as he tells her she looks very beautiful.

_Take that, Alicia Spinnet. Take that. _

:::

(fourth year)

:::

**I.**

He watches her cry and it feels like his heart is breaking.

"Lav?"

She doesn't look at him, sitting there on the cold, hard ground in the empty corridor, back against the wall, stains of mascara on her cheeks, chest heaving with sobs, blue eyes full of tears.

He stands there and looks at her and he doesn't know what to _do. _He doesn't know how to make it go away.

"Lav?" He repeats, a little softer. "What's wrong?"

He takes a few steps closer and she looks at him, through the tears, her voice a high-pitched slur. "Go away. You're not supposed to see me like this."

But he's already next to her, wrapping his arms around her before she can even protest. "What are you talking about? I'm here for you. I'm always here for you. You know that, right?"

She cries into his shoulder, until his shirt is covered with her tears and he practically feels like crying himself, watching her be so vulnerable, so fragile, so unlike herself. She lies her head on his shoulder and doesn't speak for a very long time.

Then she finally opens up her mouth.

"My parents are getting a divorce. I got the letter half an hour ago."

He bites his lip and clenches his fists and he practically feels like punching them into the wall when he hears this, because if there's anything in the world he knows it's _heartbreak_. He kind of grew up with it. He watched his father walk out on them like it didn't even matter, like he wasn't leaving a wife and a small boy behind. He watched him yell against his mother, slowly destroying every single happy feeling in the house. He watched it all and he knows how it feels and he feels sorry for her that again there's nothing he can do about it.

"I'm sorry," he chokes out. "That's horrible. I know what it's like."

And then he tells her. All of it. All the things he never really told anyone before, because he thought he didn't have to. He's not the kind of person who likes to hold on to the bad things, so he tries to never think of it. But now he tells her all of it, and she listens, and at some point it's kind of harsh, because she's about to go through exactly the same things, but he doesn't think she minds. She just sits there and lets him talk and he finally feels kind of relieved when he's done.

She sighs and bites her lip and tries to smile at him, but he knows that it's hard. "Why did you never tell me all of this?"

He shrugs. "Didn't think it was necessary. But now you can always talk to me about this, whenever you want to, ok? I'm here. And I wish I could help you. I wish there was some kind of magic that could stop these kind of things from happening."

"I know." Her voice is harsh, and she quickly grabs his hand and squeezes it very hard. And he knows she does it to prevent herself from crying again.

Then he does something stupid.

Something very, _very _stupid. But the words leave his mouth before he can really help it.

"Would you like to go to the Yule Ball with me?"

She turns her head, surprised at the sudden question, and he can feel himself blush immensely. He's already mentally preparing himself for rejection – because honestly, who asks something like that to a girl who just found out her parents are getting a divorce? – but then a smile appears on her face and then there's a very warm feeling inside of him that takes over his entire body as soon as she softly replies: "Yes, I would love to."

**II.**

His mouth kind of drops when she walks up to him, wearing the most beautiful red dress he's ever seen, her blonde hair pretty and curly and shining, her blue eyes sparkling with excitement.

His breath catches up in his throat when she hugs him and tells him he looks nice in his dress robes.

He thinks she's the most beautiful girl he's ever met, when she grabs his hand and leads him to the dance floor, completely ignoring his protests, smiling like sunshine itself.

And maybe when she kisses him goodnight on his cheek and whispers she had a very good time, he finally realizes he might fancy her a little.

**III.**

It is a bit strange to be thinking about these kind of things, during all that's going on right now, with the Tournament and the exams and all that other stuff, but sometimes she'll look at him and he almost gets the feeling that she feels it too, this strange _thing _between them.

But then she looks away again and he just sighs, reckoning that he must have just imagined it.

She wouldn't think of him in that way, any way.

:::

(fifth year)

:::

**I. **

This is not how it's supposed to happen.

You see, he believes what his mother tells him. And even though Harry is his friend, he just refuses to agree with him. And yes, it does hurt a little bit, but he doesn't _want _to believe anything about it, so he just doesn't.

Unfortunately, he kind of seems to be driving away all the people he cares about with it.

And so yeah, he knows he shouldn't have expected anything to happen between him and Lavender, because she's way out of his league after all. Way too good for him. And she deserves to be with someone she truly wants.

But still it kind of hurts when he sees her with Terry Boot and it hurts even more to see her with all these people of that thing Dean told him about, called 'Dumbledore's Army'.

He kind of misses her a little bit, you know.

**II.**

She kind of misses him a little bit, you know.

And it's scary, living in a world like this nowadays, because even though she still laughs with Parvati and still chitchats with lots of people and only seems to care about stupid, irrelevant school stuff, she actually _knows_ what's going on around them.

But they're just fifteen years old and now suddenly they have to go and prepare themselves for Death Eaters and dark magic and the way people are abusing each other and fighting each other and she just kind of misses him. She kind of _hates _the fact that he just doesn't believe any of it. That he refusesto _think_ for even one second that their beautiful magic world could turn out to be such a dark place, after all.

"It's the truth, you know," she tells him, a little bit out of the blue, when they (kind of) accidentally run in to each other on the way down to the Great Hall. "I know what your mother says and I know that it's easier to believe that it's _not _true. But when Harry talks about what happened last year, you just see it in his eyes, Seamus. You just see it. And we need you."

(_I need you._)

He doesn't reply, and she wants to wrap her arms around him, right here, right in the doorway of the Great Hall, and hold him close to her to let him feel that she's there. That everybody, every single member of Dumbledore's Army is there to open their arms for him, the second he gives in.

He doesn't reply and just softly smiles at her, his green eyes darker than ever and his smile a little wry, as if this is it. As if it's never going to change.

Three weeks later he shows up though, and grins at her from the other side of the Room of Requirement and all of a sudden her world's a little lighter again.

**III.**

And then it goes a little bit like this:

"So, you and Lavender, right?"

"Huh?"

"You and Lavender." Grin. "You like her don't you?"

"I don't know what you're talking about."

"Sure you don't…"

"Oh, shut up, Dean."

Laugh. "You know it's the truth."

"Good night."

"Don't worry. I think she likes you to."

"Go to sleep!"

"Fine." Pause. "Maybe you should ask her out some time."

"_Dean._"

"Ok, ok, I'll shut up." Grin. "Sweet dreams." Grin. "If you know what I mean…"

"You're the worst friend in the world, you know that."

"Ok, I'm sorry. I'm really going to sleep now!"

Long pause.

"Seamus?"

Sigh. "Yes."

"When you and Lav get married, can I be your best man?"

:::

(sixth year)

**I.**

Ron Weasley.

_Ron Weasley__._

He watches them with a mixture of anger and jealously and disgust and he thinks it's just not _fair_. Sure, the boy is some sort of a hero and he's really funny and a very good Quidditch player and he knows she's always sort of had a thing for him, but really, where was Ron Weasley during all those years they spend together? Where was he when she cried because of her parents' divorce? Where was he during the Yule Ball, watching her spin and twirl and dance, admiring her like she's the most beautiful girl in the world? Where was Ron Weasley during all those exhausting walks around the lake, all those late night talks in the empty common room, all those 'study sessions' in the library? Where was Ron Weasley at all, other than with Harry Potter and Hermione Granger?

He knows it's kind of ironic, because he did promise himself that she should be with someone better than him, and Ron is one of his best mates, and everything should be perfectly fine. But the thing is, he also promised himself that most of all, she deserved to be with someone who can make her truly happy.

And Ron Weasley is not doing that. Not even the slightest little bit.

**II.**

She'll never admit it, but she kind of really liked him.

And yes, she knows that everybody thinks she's just a stupid, fake, _dumb _blonde girl, who plays around with guys just for the fun of it and is not capable of having real feelings.

But they're wrong.

And all of it hurts way too much. Because she knows that he's not dating her for _her_. He's dating her because of Hermione Granger and if there's any person in the world she wouldn't want to lose from, it's Hermione Granger. 'Cause it's like she's not even _worth _it all. Like she's just a clueless girl, while Hermione Granger is the most brilliant student in Hogwarts. Like it doesn't matter that she spends at least thirty minutes every morning, making her hair as beautiful as possible for _him, _while he'll be too busy staring at Hermione Granger. Like it doesn't even matter that she tries to love him and show her affection for him and tells him how wonderful he over and over again, because she wants him to believe it, while Hermione Granger doesn't even speak to him and he still loves her _more_.

But most of all, it hurts to know that he's just using her because he thinks she's _easy _and believes she doesn't even really love him anyway and _Merlin_, if there's anything he's really wrong about it's that.

She doesn't notice Seamus Finnegan. She's too busy with fighting for a boy whose heart will always, _always_ belong to another girl.

But it's the first time she really, really likes a boy. And she knows that this is not the way it's supposed to happen.

**III.**

She cries when he breaks up with her, and it's _real_ tears rolling down her cheeks. Real pain. Real heartbreak.

She tries to scratch his name away from the back of her four-poster bed, but it doesn't work.

He wraps his arms around her and she wonders how it's possible that she always falls for the wrong guys, while the right one never even hesitates to comfort her, no matter how often she has let him down.

:::

(seventh year)

:::

**I.**

She stands in front of a mirror, in the back of the Room of Requirement and she's been looking at herself for so long that she's doesn't even remember why she did it in the first place.

There she is; just a girl, with long blonde hair and dull blue eyes, small lips, freckles on her cheekbones, bruised skin from all the punishments she has received over the couple of weeks, whenever she refused to do something the new leaders of Hogwarts wanted her to do.

She wonders where she is. She looks at herself and wonders how is it possible that all of a sudden there's no longer a girl staring back at her with sparkling eyes and a dazzling smile and the most amazing best friend behind her and a constant expression of careless happiness on her face. Where did she go all of a sudden?

This is what war feels like, she thinks.

And it's no place for such a girl.

"You ok?"

He appears from behind, looking more handsome than ever, even though he's got a cut on his jaw and bruises on his arms and shaggy black hair. She doesn't reply and she watches him come and stand next to her, looking at the these strange versions of themselves in the mirror.

She bites her lips and grabs his hand and leans back against his chest, all of a sudden. It's a little straightforward and he can feel him tense a little bit, and her own breath becomes slightly unsteady as well, because they're not yet used to doing these kind of things. Especially when they have other things to worry about.

But it's war and there's no time to deny what has been going on between the two of them for the entire year now, so he quickly wraps his arms around her shoulders from behind, pressing her against his chest. It makes her blush like no other boy has ever managed to.

"You know," he softly whispers in her ear. "We're going to get through this, ok? All of this. The war and the pain and the destruction. We'll be ok, in the end, I'm sure of it. The good guys always win. The good guys always win."

And then he barriers his face in her shoulder and she doesn't know if he's crying or not, but she holds him close to her anyway, because he always saves her, and sometimes she has to save him too.

**II.**

They fight and fight and fight, but everything around them seems to be dying. This is not what Hogwarts is supposed to be like. This is not what the _world_'s supposed to be like. She falls backwards, with lights flashing before her eyes, and life will never truly be the same again.

It's a miracle when she wakes up again, several weeks later, and he's right there by her bed side, crying like he's never cried before.

She's hates mirrors nowadays, stays away from them as she possible can, can't stand to see the monster she's become.

But he still looks at her like she's can light up his entire world, so maybe it's ok.

Maybe this is what they all died fighting for.

**III.**

It happens one more time, and he is not prepared for it at all.

Because she's just so _pretty _and it's like those seven years at Hogwarts didn't even happen, 'cause here he is again, just a boy, watching her dance with her long blonde hair and scars defining just how beautiful she really is. And once again he's completely in shock and unable to move.

She's dancing across the landing stage in the Black Lake, completely clueless of the fact that he is watching her; all awestruck and paralyzed and more in love with her than ever before.

She spins and twirls and turns and she laughs out loud and the sound fills up his entire mind.

This is life.

And she is flying.

And then suddenly she catches sight of him and stops dancing all at once, and it's _exactly _like all those years ago, except that they're no longer eleven years old, and she's his best friend and so she doesn't hesitate for even one second.

"What do you think you are doing?" she asks, running up to him, completely breathless.

He smiles and is no longer afraid to tell her. "Watching you."

She blushes, but quickly grins to cover it up. "Remember first year?"

He chuckles, and nods, because of course he does. She softly sighs. "You kept your promise, right? You never told anyone about that day."

He shakes his head. "You said it wasn't important."

She smiles at him and takes a few steps closer. "Remember when our parents used to ask us what we wanted to be when we grew up?" He nods. "Remember you were so young you could be anything you wanted? A superhero or a prince or a secret agent or a monster fighter or a princess. And no one would laugh at you." He smiles and she bits her lip, before softly whispering: "You know, all I ever wanted to be was a dancer. And no one knows that. Only you."

She turns and stares out over the lake and once again he wraps his arms around her, because he need to make sure she feels that she is wanted. "When you dance, you look like you're flying. And I could look at you forever."

She turns around and kisses him full on his mouth, heat exploding right inside of her the second he pulls her close to him and kisses her back and she thinks she finally sort of knows what love can feel like.

:::

The back of her four-poster bed is completely covered with boys' names, softly carved into the thick, dark wood. And one day she thinks, a new girl will sleep in this bed, and see all the names of all the boys she's ever cared for, and she thinks there's no better representation of her heart anywhere else in the world.

She hopes the girl will look at them – especially the one in the top right corner, _especially _that one – and she hopes that finally, the world will feel a little _magical _again.

:::

(and eventually it all comes down to this: she's not that afraid of falling in love anymore)


End file.
